CLICK ON EACH LINK:
Joke 1: Halloween and sex - submitted by Candy
Joke 2: Women and computers - submitted by Gary
Joke 3: Grandma Sex - submitted by Gary
Joke 4: Hot dog - submitted by Candy
Joke 5: Be careful what you eat - submitted by Candy
Joke 6: My Ex Wife - submitted by Todd
Joke 7: Don't Play With Guns - submitted by Gary
Joke 8: Don't Look Down - submitted by Gary
Joke 9: It's Never Too Early to Start - submitted by Candy
Joke 10: Same Person 25 Years Later - submitted by Candy
Joke 11: Now That's Fugly! - submitted by Gary
Joke 12: Hey, It's A Blonde Joke! - submitted by Gary
Joke 13: Reverse Blonde Joke - submitted by Gary
Joke 14: Got Anything Smaller? - submitted by Gary
Joke 15: I Love To Fly - submitted by Gary
Joke 16: Go Navy! - submitted by Gary
Joke 17: Two Black Eyes - submitted by Gary
Joke 18: The Pickle Slicer - submitted by Candy
TOP TEN REASONS TRICK-OR-TREATING IS BETTER THAN HAVING SEX
10. You're guaranteed to get at least a little something in the sack.
9. Once you've done it, you don't have to wait an hour to do it again.
8. The uglier you look, the more likely you'll get some.
7. You don't have to make small talk with the person who gave you the candy
6. The person giving it to you isn't fantasizing you're someone else.
5. If you get a stomach ache, it won't last 9 months.
4. If you wear a mask, no one thinks you're kinky.
3. Doesn't matter if the kids hear you moaning and groaning.
2. You don't have to call the person that gave it to you next week.
And the #1 reason trick-or-treating is better than having sex...
1. IF YOU DON'T GET WHAT YOU WANT, YOU CAN ALWAYS GO NEXT DOOR!!!
BACK TO TOP
Q: What is the difference between women and computers?
A: Women won't take 3 1/2" floppies.
Three guys are drinking in a bar when a drunk comes in, staggers up to
them, and points at the guy in the middle, shouting, "Your grandma's the
best sex in town!" Everyone expects a fight, but the guy ignores him, so
the drunk wanders off and bellies up to the bar at the far end. Ten
minutes later, the drunk comes back, points at the same guy, and says, "I
just did your grandma, and it was suh-weeeet!" Again the guy refuses to
take the bait, and the drunk goes back to the far end of the bar. Ten
minutes later, he comes back and announces, "And your grandma liked it!!"
Finally the guy interrupts."Go home, Grandpa you're drunk!"
A guy finds a magic lamp on the beach. The genie informs him that he
gets three wishes, but whatever he gets his ex-wife gets twice as
much.
"How about $1,000,000?" he asked.
"Your ex-wife now has $2,000,000 in her account as well," said the
genie.
"I've always wanted a Benz, how about that?"
"Your wife now has two of those cars."
For the last wish he had to think for a minute, "...could you beat me
half to death?"
A man was having problems with premature ejaculation so he
decided to go to the doctor.He asked the doctor what
could he do to cure his problem. In response the doctor
said, "When you feel like you are getting ready to ejaculate
try startling yourself".
That same day the man went to the store and bought himself a
starter pistol. All excited to try this suggestion out he
runs home to his wife. At home his wife is in bed, naked
and waiting on her husband. As the two begin, they find
themselves in the '69' position. The man, moments later,
feels the sudden urge to come and fires the starter pistol.
The next day, the man went back to the doctor. The doctor
asked, "How did it go?" The man answered, "Not that well...when
I fired the pistol my wife crapped on my face, bit 3 inches
off my penis and my neighbor came out of the
closet naked with his hands in the air!
A Riddle:
At the exact same time, there are two young men,
Eddie and George, on opposite sides of the earth.
Eddie is walking a tight rope between two skyscrapers,
George is getting a blow job from a 90 year old woman.
However, they are both thinking to themselves the exact same thing.
What are they both thinking?
Answer : Don't look down!
Superman, Snow White and the Hunchback of Notre Dame were
sitting around talking about their best qualities.
Superman said, "I am considered to be the strongest man in the world."
Snow White said, "I am considered to be
the fairest maiden in the world."
Hunchback said, "Well, I have the reputation of being
the ugliest man in the world."
Superman suggested they go to the castle and
see what Snow White's mirror had to say.
Superman went in first. When he returned he said the mirror confirmed that he is still the strongest man in the world.
Snow White was next and when she joined the other two she said she was, indeed, still the fairest maiden in the world.
The Hunchback was next and when he came out he had a puzzled look
on his face. He asked the other two, "Who is Dennis Rodman ?"
Q. A brunette, a blonde, and a redhead are all in third grade. Who
has the biggest tits?
A. The blonde of course. But hey, she's 18.
Q. Why did the blond have a bruised and stretched belly button?
A. Her boyfriend is blond.
One dismal rainy night,
a taxi driver spotted an arm waving from the shadows
of an alley halfway down the block.
Even before he rolled to a stop at the curb,
a figure leaped into the cab and slammed the door.
Checking his rear view mirror as he pulled away,
he was startled to see a dripping wet,
naked woman sitting in the back seat. "Where to?" he stammered.
"Union Station," answered the woman.
"You got it," he said, taking another long glance in the mirror.
The woman caught him staring at her and asked,
"Just what the hell are you looking at, driver?"
"Well ma'am, I noticed that you're completely naked,
and I was just wondering how you'll pay your fare."
The woman spread her legs, put her feet up on the front seat,
smiled at the driver and said, "Does *THIS* answer your question?"
Still looking in the mirror, the cabbie asked, "Got anything smaller?"
What is the difference between making love to a Flight attendant, a nurse and a
schoolteacher? The schoolteacher will tell you, "We are going to do this until we
get it right." The nurse will tell you, "Don't worry, this wont hurt a bit." The flight
attendant will tell you, "Place this securely over your nose and mouth and continue
to breathe normally."
A male whale and a female whale were swimming off the coast of Japan
when they noticed a whaling ship. The male whale recognized it as the
same ship that had harpooned his father many years earlier. He said to
the female whale, "Lets both swim under the ship and blow out of our
air holes at the same time and it should cause the ship to turn over
and sink." They tried it and sure enough, the ship turned over and
quickly sank. Soon however, the whales realized the sailors had jumped
overboard and were swimming to the safety of shore. The male was enraged
that they were going to get away and told the female "lets swim after
them and gobble them up before they reach the shore." At this point,
he realized the female was becoming reluctant to follow him. "Look,"
she said, "I went along with the blow job, but I absolutely refuse to
swallow the seamen."
These two guys were sitting at a bar when they noticed that they each had a black eye. Naturally, they wanted to compare notes to see how it happened. The first guy said he was at the airport and at the ticket counter was a very good looking big breasted lady. He meant to tell her that he wanted two tickets to Pittsburgh but it came out "two pickets to Tittsburgh" and she punched him in the eye. The second guy said he was at the breakfast table with his wife that morning. He meant to say "honey, could you please pass the Cheerios", but it came out "you f***ing bitch, you ruined my life" and she hauled off and slugged him.
Pickle Slicer
There was a man who had worked his whole life in a pickle factory. One day
he came home and told his wife that he had been fired from his job.
She began to scream and yell, "You have given them twenty years of
devoted service. Why did they fire you?"
"For twenty years I've wanted to stick my pecker in the pickle slicer,"
he explained, "and
today I finally did it!"
The wife ran over and pulled his pants down to see what damage had been
done. "You look okay," she said with a sigh of relief. "So what happened to
the pickle slicer?"
"Well," he said with hesitation, "they fired her, too."